Choices

I loved Michael because he afflicted me. I love the new Michael because he loves and cherishes me.  But now I vow to do everything in love.

What does that mean?  Do people want to be afflicted?  No, but the suffering brought out a stronger desire to love those who were confused.  I loved MM with my whole, penitent heart.  I was by his side.  But when it was revealed that he had another woman in the back drop, I was forced to realize in the most positive light, he was confused, he didn't know what he wanted.  He told me he lied about her because if I knew he had another woman, I would not sleep with him.  I forgive him because he is attached to the carnal world.  the carnal world is where humans only cultivate their human, fleshly desires.  He wanted endless, pleasurable sex from me.  I gave it to him.  But the carnal world ultimately is not the true satisfaction.  It breaks one down just as when people lie, steal, gamble and do false things to get ahead.  Eventually, people will find their spiritual compass or they will perish.

I am tired

I had a 14 hour work day and I have to go back to work in one hour.  I don't want/need anymore drama.    Anyone who breaches people's private emails, texts in which they should trust is not on my list of admirable people.  I need my space.  I know what time it is with the people who are important to me and they know with me.  This blog is pretty much going back to being private and only musing on my favorite authors, my own creative writing and my radio posts.  Readers who think they have a stake in my life and are dependent on me for their self esteem.

Turn your life over to your higher power.
Examine your co-dependency.
Heal thyself through prayer and meditation of scripture.

Louis Farrakhan preaching on Rodney King incident.

The Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan delivered this historic message at Southern University in Baton Rouge, Louisianna on May 9, 1992.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6b09aXynJ8

This Muslim preacher is talking about the order of the universe and how even when things are in chaos, they are ordered.  However, I disagree with one statement.  When white man willingly oppresses the Black man as in the Los Angeles Rodney King case,  the order of the universe is disrupted because man is choosing an evil path that he could refrain from.  The white police officers could have avoided mistreating Rodney King.  Sin and disgrace can be avoided by the will of man.

Another radio conflict that in the end adds up to nothing.

     I do realize over time that people who have never gone to college end up repeating the same recycled garbage and analogies that revolve around in their head.  My friend, Jon, is very good at examining spiritual complexities that people have to face in their everyday walk with God.  He has breadth and depth on the subject.

     When it comes to politics, he has a tendency to "label" friends of the opposite party such as "liberal" "feminist" "socialist" "communist" "comrade" etc.  He has pre formed definitions about these labels and surrounding ideology as well as uninformed conceptions of the American communist movement and terrors of maximal capitalism.

     He has become simply adamant about his support and stronghold for Donald Trump and what that represents for the future of America.  He won't accept anything less or any contrasting ideology or he also berates Don, I and others constantly about Hillary Clinton's qualities and physical stamina.

     I think working 12 hours a day with a dog and bossy woman has gotten under his skin.  He has always been tremendously fair and tolerant of other people with longstanding patience.

     He went off the rails last night just because I was trying to classify voters as urban, educated in major cities as opposed to rural, Southern voters who rallied around Trump.  He thought I was trying to pigeonhole him as a so called dumb voter.  But I was only strictly talking about demographics, NOT HIM.

     Either way, he feels his Trump voice can't be heard even though 7 of our 8 last callers were clearly conservative and had an hour of air time a piece.  Albert has replaced Jon as one of the three key cohosts and I doubt Jon will be back on the show for 5-6 months.  He has a demanding job 7 days a week which is 12-15 hours a day and rarely has time for himself.

      I am not sad about it.  It was meant to be.  We completed 301 episodes since March, 2014.  There was a lot of tension on the show the last few weeks and now a mitigating circumstance led to the departure of Jon by his choice.  Don, Albert and I will bring more local politicians and local/regional activists into the mix which will appeal to the Youth/Gen X and millenials.

Confirmation and Explanation of what went wrong with Darrell and me

New International Version (©2011) But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven. New Living Translation (©2007) But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven. Matthew 10:33

A lot of people have been checking my Facebook post of my conversation with Darrell Redleaf which is not actually his true name but stage name.  I made it public because we were once friends under a common cause that was entertainment and promoting Native American material in the industry.  When I first got to Hollywood, I became successful due to the material I was choosing, I had no idea "Dances with Wolves" would be a hit that year.  I entered a one act play contest and chose to write about Ojibwe or Chippewa Indians in Northern Minnesota because I had an affinity to Native Americans due to my compassion for the Europeans decimating their life.  My dad used to tell me they had a certain kind of grace about them the way the moved and were kinetic with the earth.  I met a novice actor named Darrell who was just getting into the business.  He did a bit part in one movie.  I had 2 other professional actors in my play, and Darrell joined late because Joseph Runningfox dropped out.  Darrell was very gifted and added a lot to the play.  We produced the play three time in 1990.  One time Continental Cablevision produced it under "Playhouse 1990s." Darrell met one of the producers in his apartment complex and due to Darrell's efforts, we got on the public access cable channel with our play.  I never had one bad experience with Darrell in all the time I knew him.  Years later, maybe 19 years later in 2009 or 2010, I was leaving for Riverside County on Good Friday Holy weekend and Darrell started  IMing me about a movie called Zeitgeist.  I guess its some movie discounting the validity of Christ's savior image or true God.  Mary from Canada, a childhood friend I hadn't spoken to in 20 plus years was also IMing me.  I was short on time.  I told Darrell I would get back to him, I was leaving for out of town.  Darrell abruptly dropped me on Facebook and I don't think he blocked me but was rude.  I didn't tell him, I never plan to watch the movie or your are infringing on my beliefs.  I just told him it was Good Friday and I was headed out to visit someone.  I felt all the hatred he had for organized religion was directed to me just because I happened to be a lifelong Christian.   My experience in the last ten years with some highly successful people in which he is (a hairdresser for Hollywood stars), is that he doesn't have the patience or humility to deal with ordinary people.  I am not high up on the food chain in Hollywood, I had a one hit wonder with my play.  I didn't purse entertainment after my daughter died.  I am not calling Darrell to forgive me and make amends.  I hope he checks this page.  I want to tell him, I respect him for his beliefs but don't be so close minded that you don't think the church have never done any good in the world or Christian believers as individuals.  You haven't looked into the true faith or nature of the religion fully to understand the complexity of the savior-forgivness, eternal love vs. condemnation.  Often times. Christianity is rule driven, but the wisdom, growth and faith of following Christ is what drives life to fullness and glory.

Political Gravity: How do you Know When you are Not Dead?

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ernestradionetwork/2012/12/12/beaten-path-how-to-know-when-youre-not-dead

I discuss Andrew Greeley's article on Trust and attempt to reconcile in relationships involving rejection, acceptance.  I discuss trying in life and giving up.  I examine the concepts of Existentialism.

My throat, my energy, my state of being, my....

I attended an all encompasing church service which ended sanctimoniously. I was in a newer congregation, one I have only attended once before. An older usher whispered in my ear, "Are you a member?" and I said back in a non whispering voice "I am a Lutheran from Minnesota." My clout, my calling card. Going back to Lutheran churches has 3 guarantees - Scandinavian looking older women with sweaters and blue-gray hair, people in pews that look like they are eternally in sync with the liturgy, a sense of quietness...and fourth, reserved Christianity. There are no arms flaying, gospel style music. There is an organ and the hymnal and my eternal memories that crop up from the 70s at First Lutheran in White Bear. I was wondering in this great stone edifice I attended tonight with beautiful granite upholding the sanctuary, how many Occupy Los Angeles people would fit in there for an overnight visit? Is the traditional church in sync with the world around them? The Pastor did mention that Nigerian was killing Christians and that the Lutheran synod had a presence in Nigeria so they weren't too far from world conflict. I participated in the communion with real wine and held my hand open for the wafer at the appropriate time. I was the second youngest of the group. When the stoic Scandinavians die off, will there be another generation of Lutherans to replace them? There were two younger couples with babies in the congregation. An old man with a wheel chair and blanket was rolled up the aisle for communion. The tradition of my past in the middle of North Hollywood. The Lutherans coming together with blue and gray hair, the same songs sung for centuries and me re-claiming my heritage. In gave me a sense of well being and thankfulness for my past. And it gave me a sense of sorrow Loran would not go with. He was supposed to being St. Paul's First Lutheran church and he backed out. I don't feel in my heart he cares about God. I will find away. When I got home, I choked on the Panda chicken and gagged in the sink. I couldn't speak well for a few minutes. I could not clear my throat. Is God requesting a new awakening from me? A kick in the ass or a shortened life? Will my Muslim boyfriend find his way into my religion or just the fleshly love we have now? I love you James, come to me.