My throat, my energy, my state of being, my....

I attended an all encompasing church service which ended sanctimoniously. I was in a newer congregation, one I have only attended once before. An older usher whispered in my ear, "Are you a member?" and I said back in a non whispering voice "I am a Lutheran from Minnesota." My clout, my calling card. Going back to Lutheran churches has 3 guarantees - Scandinavian looking older women with sweaters and blue-gray hair, people in pews that look like they are eternally in sync with the liturgy, a sense of quietness...and fourth, reserved Christianity. There are no arms flaying, gospel style music. There is an organ and the hymnal and my eternal memories that crop up from the 70s at First Lutheran in White Bear. I was wondering in this great stone edifice I attended tonight with beautiful granite upholding the sanctuary, how many Occupy Los Angeles people would fit in there for an overnight visit? Is the traditional church in sync with the world around them? The Pastor did mention that Nigerian was killing Christians and that the Lutheran synod had a presence in Nigeria so they weren't too far from world conflict. I participated in the communion with real wine and held my hand open for the wafer at the appropriate time. I was the second youngest of the group. When the stoic Scandinavians die off, will there be another generation of Lutherans to replace them? There were two younger couples with babies in the congregation. An old man with a wheel chair and blanket was rolled up the aisle for communion. The tradition of my past in the middle of North Hollywood. The Lutherans coming together with blue and gray hair, the same songs sung for centuries and me re-claiming my heritage. In gave me a sense of well being and thankfulness for my past. And it gave me a sense of sorrow Loran would not go with. He was supposed to being St. Paul's First Lutheran church and he backed out. I don't feel in my heart he cares about God. I will find away. When I got home, I choked on the Panda chicken and gagged in the sink. I couldn't speak well for a few minutes. I could not clear my throat. Is God requesting a new awakening from me? A kick in the ass or a shortened life? Will my Muslim boyfriend find his way into my religion or just the fleshly love we have now? I love you James, come to me.