Best explanation

This video capsulizes what I most feel about a recent set of circumstances and my perspective on how people are reading my blog.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh6KuDWWoio

Full circle

No empty words, 
no white lies, 
no joking friends,
no compromise.

-Keith Green

Well, this has been a crazy day.  I got a call from a police dept. on a follow up report that was made in early Dec.  I didn't take any further action between then and now so I was confused.  I thought maybe my editorial in the Superior Telegram may have created a public relations crisis within the Police Dept,   I will find out Tuesday.

I came to some realizations today and since my blog is getting 200-300 hits a day, I need to clarify a few positions.

1.  When I am presenting a story in the category of novel writing, I am molding and presenting the characters based on real life but some of their characteristics and descriptions may change to the overall theme I am projecting to my novel.  I am not planning to publish many more entries on the novel because it is coming out for publication by the end of March or early April.
2.  When I blog about heartfelt pain about a certain relationship ending, it may be just that.  However, I am holding back somewhat because of the high viewership these days.
3.  I have used this blog in the past to work through issues with those I have conflict with but it also to expose my political writings, former articles in Duluth Reader and to promote my radio show.  This is a promotional tool not just a gutt spilling venture.

I talked to a former friend/lover today and in some ways, it felt normal.  I think by not talking to him much since 1/9/2019 it has caused an emotional strain on me but the time and distance has allowed me to reflect and understand our differences.  I made two mistakes in the "relationship" or "Liaison"
Although I did not ask him for much or demand much, my biggest problem with him is non planning and dishonesty.  I think toward the end, he was trying to tell me the truth through clues and now that I look back and read texts or reflect on things he said, he was trying to tell me their was another woman present in his life.

I don't think he had the full capability of telling me the truth.  Although, toward the end he kept emphasizing the word friend, we were still full fledged lovers through January 2nd when he said something to me very insulting after lovemaking and I transitioned our relationship as cuddle buddies.  We never got to experience that because I discovered the other woman there on Jan. 9th and things pretty much unraveled since then.

However, after reviewing the texts, we were pretty close comrades.  We text each other 4-10 times a day, even more so when I was in California from Dec. 24 to 31st.   So, it's weird going from fantastic lovers, to questioning partners to nothing.

All this time my love intensified and receded but the overall caring factor has not fully diminished.  There are days when I am very angry and hurt for his lies and there are other days when images and memories creep in.  When I talked to him today, even though it was business, I was reminded on how good our communication was at times and that at times, he was trustworthy and acceptable.  That is why I am entering a confession plea that I was too critical of him during the darkest days.  It does make me feel, however, that I could not alone meet his needs nor anyone else single-handedly.

I could never be the kind of person to "leave things hanging" or to cut my phone off from someone I cared about.  I could not be that cruel.  I would find the need to explain myself even if I did not want to continue the relationship.  I am signing off now because I just worked one hour on a political editorial for another newspaper and I am tired.

The old neighborhood

The neighborhood still looks the same
adjacent to the block of understanding
4 blocks down from Pizza Man
now just a corner between destiny & restraint

The pentagon shaped houses
the way the snowbanks overtook reason
the slippery alley
The brick church that swallowed up confessions

He lay there still between the sheets
and the play button
underneath, the buried jonquils
and crumbled sunflowers
damp and frozen in the ageless lives
bearing shelter

to the wounds that lay before them
Her tears flowed
and now there just is the
echoes of laughter and hollow memories
of a prolonged one night stand
the roses that lay dead like petals
on the ever changing white lawn

her last claims bypassed from a dead ringtone
the scraping snow plow
the death through shadows
melted under the lights of Keyport
as she doubled another twenty.

MM7272

Church Beware/Writers Beware

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11410

Story Confirmed. I was researching a topic for my radio show and decided to do it on Church dissension and those who create it. I myself was once involved in a church scandal that was short lived where I felt I was duped by the charismatic leader, although not the Pastor. I remember that between 1995-99, there was a church member who was from the East Coast, business driven and always in promotions. He had recently been hired to do a promotion on a theatrical play and I rode along with him to the play where he could discuss his strategy with the playwright. He seemed to be in a whirlwind and basically confused about how to promote it....aka inexperienced. I didn't know if the playwright picked it up. This was my first impression of him as my twin sister introduced me to him. Around 1998-99, my friend KC, got engaged to the Pastor's daughter. I found out during that timespan that Mr. Promotion had "raped" the daughter at a party where she was slightly buzzed. She was kind of the prodigal daughter and got in "trouble" from time to time. She was at least 25 at this time and had a young boy. This scandal never made it to the surface besides a handful of church members and I don't even know if the daughter ever told her preacher dad. I decided to do my radio show on church scandals and approached Mr. Promotion on the topic & questioned his involvement with the rape. I know this was a dangerous thing to do 12 yrs later but I did. Not only did he freak out, he told my sister he would sue me. Before I got this news, three days after my first inquiry, I had already decided to change the topic of my show to another one. I didn't want to dredge up old sins and controversy with real life people. The point is, he used his sales techniques on my sister to make me look like the bad guy. Needless to say, there are some people who are dangerous to deal with. I included a post link to his former company to show just how shady he is.