Lightning Rod

The pursuit of existence
the lightning bolt I threw down on you 
being one of Zeus's descendants
the way you drew me out of the bar
and into your arms
forever thankful
gambling a distraction
to the things I had buried
flesh and bone inter-twinement with you 
rescued me from the daily trafficking
of endless circles
the glow of your countenance
and your fingers growing deeper in my flesh
surrounded me with the fatefulness
of intensity
that drew back to the moon again
while my heart lay asunder
in the bowels of your confusion
as I continued to renew the life force
drenching your sheets
with perhaps dimming pleasure
as history came back 
to make it's presence known
She took her rightful place back in your arms
while I was a silhouette on the nightstand
you began to fear me
and hated my confrontations
the way I slaughtered your lies
like a tray of hor derves
you did not have the energy for two women
so I retreated into a place of contempt
and my indignation reached the wrong audience
while the contours of my face faded
into a sand glow of innocence
repentance
until the Virgin Mary lifted me to Gethsemane.

Full circle

No empty words, 
no white lies, 
no joking friends,
no compromise.

-Keith Green

Well, this has been a crazy day.  I got a call from a police dept. on a follow up report that was made in early Dec.  I didn't take any further action between then and now so I was confused.  I thought maybe my editorial in the Superior Telegram may have created a public relations crisis within the Police Dept,   I will find out Tuesday.

I came to some realizations today and since my blog is getting 200-300 hits a day, I need to clarify a few positions.

1.  When I am presenting a story in the category of novel writing, I am molding and presenting the characters based on real life but some of their characteristics and descriptions may change to the overall theme I am projecting to my novel.  I am not planning to publish many more entries on the novel because it is coming out for publication by the end of March or early April.
2.  When I blog about heartfelt pain about a certain relationship ending, it may be just that.  However, I am holding back somewhat because of the high viewership these days.
3.  I have used this blog in the past to work through issues with those I have conflict with but it also to expose my political writings, former articles in Duluth Reader and to promote my radio show.  This is a promotional tool not just a gutt spilling venture.

I talked to a former friend/lover today and in some ways, it felt normal.  I think by not talking to him much since 1/9/2019 it has caused an emotional strain on me but the time and distance has allowed me to reflect and understand our differences.  I made two mistakes in the "relationship" or "Liaison"
Although I did not ask him for much or demand much, my biggest problem with him is non planning and dishonesty.  I think toward the end, he was trying to tell me the truth through clues and now that I look back and read texts or reflect on things he said, he was trying to tell me their was another woman present in his life.

I don't think he had the full capability of telling me the truth.  Although, toward the end he kept emphasizing the word friend, we were still full fledged lovers through January 2nd when he said something to me very insulting after lovemaking and I transitioned our relationship as cuddle buddies.  We never got to experience that because I discovered the other woman there on Jan. 9th and things pretty much unraveled since then.

However, after reviewing the texts, we were pretty close comrades.  We text each other 4-10 times a day, even more so when I was in California from Dec. 24 to 31st.   So, it's weird going from fantastic lovers, to questioning partners to nothing.

All this time my love intensified and receded but the overall caring factor has not fully diminished.  There are days when I am very angry and hurt for his lies and there are other days when images and memories creep in.  When I talked to him today, even though it was business, I was reminded on how good our communication was at times and that at times, he was trustworthy and acceptable.  That is why I am entering a confession plea that I was too critical of him during the darkest days.  It does make me feel, however, that I could not alone meet his needs nor anyone else single-handedly.

I could never be the kind of person to "leave things hanging" or to cut my phone off from someone I cared about.  I could not be that cruel.  I would find the need to explain myself even if I did not want to continue the relationship.  I am signing off now because I just worked one hour on a political editorial for another newspaper and I am tired.

The old neighborhood

The neighborhood still looks the same
adjacent to the block of understanding
4 blocks down from Pizza Man
now just a corner between destiny & restraint

The pentagon shaped houses
the way the snowbanks overtook reason
the slippery alley
The brick church that swallowed up confessions

He lay there still between the sheets
and the play button
underneath, the buried jonquils
and crumbled sunflowers
damp and frozen in the ageless lives
bearing shelter

to the wounds that lay before them
Her tears flowed
and now there just is the
echoes of laughter and hollow memories
of a prolonged one night stand
the roses that lay dead like petals
on the ever changing white lawn

her last claims bypassed from a dead ringtone
the scraping snow plow
the death through shadows
melted under the lights of Keyport
as she doubled another twenty.

MM7272