Full circle

No empty words, 
no white lies, 
no joking friends,
no compromise.

-Keith Green

Well, this has been a crazy day.  I got a call from a police dept. on a follow up report that was made in early Dec.  I didn't take any further action between then and now so I was confused.  I thought maybe my editorial in the Superior Telegram may have created a public relations crisis within the Police Dept,   I will find out Tuesday.

I came to some realizations today and since my blog is getting 200-300 hits a day, I need to clarify a few positions.

1.  When I am presenting a story in the category of novel writing, I am molding and presenting the characters based on real life but some of their characteristics and descriptions may change to the overall theme I am projecting to my novel.  I am not planning to publish many more entries on the novel because it is coming out for publication by the end of March or early April.
2.  When I blog about heartfelt pain about a certain relationship ending, it may be just that.  However, I am holding back somewhat because of the high viewership these days.
3.  I have used this blog in the past to work through issues with those I have conflict with but it also to expose my political writings, former articles in Duluth Reader and to promote my radio show.  This is a promotional tool not just a gutt spilling venture.

I talked to a former friend/lover today and in some ways, it felt normal.  I think by not talking to him much since 1/9/2019 it has caused an emotional strain on me but the time and distance has allowed me to reflect and understand our differences.  I made two mistakes in the "relationship" or "Liaison"
Although I did not ask him for much or demand much, my biggest problem with him is non planning and dishonesty.  I think toward the end, he was trying to tell me the truth through clues and now that I look back and read texts or reflect on things he said, he was trying to tell me their was another woman present in his life.

I don't think he had the full capability of telling me the truth.  Although, toward the end he kept emphasizing the word friend, we were still full fledged lovers through January 2nd when he said something to me very insulting after lovemaking and I transitioned our relationship as cuddle buddies.  We never got to experience that because I discovered the other woman there on Jan. 9th and things pretty much unraveled since then.

However, after reviewing the texts, we were pretty close comrades.  We text each other 4-10 times a day, even more so when I was in California from Dec. 24 to 31st.   So, it's weird going from fantastic lovers, to questioning partners to nothing.

All this time my love intensified and receded but the overall caring factor has not fully diminished.  There are days when I am very angry and hurt for his lies and there are other days when images and memories creep in.  When I talked to him today, even though it was business, I was reminded on how good our communication was at times and that at times, he was trustworthy and acceptable.  That is why I am entering a confession plea that I was too critical of him during the darkest days.  It does make me feel, however, that I could not alone meet his needs nor anyone else single-handedly.

I could never be the kind of person to "leave things hanging" or to cut my phone off from someone I cared about.  I could not be that cruel.  I would find the need to explain myself even if I did not want to continue the relationship.  I am signing off now because I just worked one hour on a political editorial for another newspaper and I am tired.