Perception---for the record. the $22 friendship

btw, I did not make a concerted effort to look up a criminal record.  I just had to type in a name and the PDF was there on a link.  It took 5 seconds of typing.  I dont have to fight to get the last word in, betrayal is made through a pre-chiseled sword.  E was not mad at me for gambling.  He was mad that the BTR payments were a few days late.  The last payment I sent was on 4-24, I believe one day ahead of schedule.  He cut Jon and my episodes off the next day.  I asked PayPal for a refund.  E and Paypal jointly refunded the money on the same day.  I never stalked him.  I called him 2x in March and one was to wish him a happy birthday.  He was not a long suffering friend who had to listen to the fallout from gambling.  I generally told him my ups and downs every 3 weeks.  Aside from name calling from him to me.  I had trust issues.  He once emailed my boss in Calif. to make me look bad.  Why?  Because 10 years earlier, Marguerite and I served him a civil judgment hearing in the Mall of America?  Was it because I took a side?  Nothing I ever did in the friendship was wrong.  It was just something he did not like.  If I had rang up $1100 in phone bills to one of his friends the way he did to me, he would have more than cut me off.  I rescued the friendship in around 2008 (can't remember now) because I thought as a Christian and relative of a church member, he deserved another chance.  Mind you, he never ever once repented for ripping 2 people off, one being my sister.  I don't know what to say now.  Its like looking at fungus or dead ivy on a tree.  I have turned it over to my higher power.  The one thing I can say is, I won two battles in the last few weeks.  No one can win the war of his soul.  Only he can surrender to his pride.  

Rewind: Jane's Christmas Show on BTR 2 years ago

What's a better mix?  Mid East democracy and Christmas stories.  How sentimental.  This is a good episode measuring Mid East capabilities and our own American Christmas experience.  Listen well.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ernestradionetwork/2011/12/19/political-gravity-middle-east-democracy--do-they-need-it

Irritating subtleties in friendship.......

So I don't go online all the time. I don't often have the time or energy to blog.  This week, a strange turn of events occurred that shifted my feelings toward a certain area in my life.   Its something I don't try to think about too often, but it flares up in times of deep conflict.  I was watching a show on VH1 called "CrazySexyCool: the TLC story."  I wsa texting one of my best friends on and off throughout the movie.  At the end, I got emotional, because the original singers of the group came on an it showed them recording a studio record.  I called my friend at 11:30 p.m. his time.  I let it ring 3x and hung up.  He got bent out of shape about it.  He said I violated a house rule.  But what was worse, is he spoke derrogatory to me over the next few days.  He said I was assuming things about him or analyzing him.  He also said, "Find yourself a husband to discuss things with, ...don't call me late at night...."  That's just a dumb emotional transference....like I was supposed to conjure up a husband at midnight becuz my very gay friend was indisposed?  The fact is, if one of his anarchist buddies dialed him up after his "little house rule" he would have gladly answered it.  I mean, how often does a movie come on about my all time favorite group in which one of them died tragically.  I guess he expected me to discuss the protocol beforehand on what times to call.  He claims in his following radio show broadcast that he has told me to text him and he would call me back in times like these but at that moment, I didn't think of it....I confronted him a few days later on some other issues and instead of acknowledging specifically what I said, he said I was just looking to reignite conflict or seeking attention which is totally ridiculous b/c it was about a radio matter that required serious attention.  We are partners on the same network and we split the costs.  There were other pending issues and he simply deflated them with standoffish excuses.  Well, I have run out of energy and have to go to work soon.  That's why I don't blog every day and when I do, I certainly do not want to blog about trivial crap.  I have been with the radio network with him 3 years and it would be sad to leave, but his political vitreal has gotten too off the radar.  I am an Obama supporter and faithful to government service.  I do not want to misrepresent myself by being aligned to someone I think is not on target philosophically.

My only link to Marguerite

She is a dark shadow in a luminous green apparitional wall, a shadow emerging then decreasing...being invaded by more symmetrical shadows....my spell or wish to disappear worked...but I didn't intend it that way. Her arrogance took over. Now its unsalvageable. She is as unsaved as I am saved, she is as un Christian and Pagan like as I am devoted. We are severed ties in the spiritual world with no equal grace or merciful flowing from either direction. She is a dead woman in a blurry world and I am an alive woman in a brutal world. Our paths will never merge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5cuiFQgLnVs

Here is her luminous video installation which is actually pretty good.