According to my Nancy Drew skills, I am 90% sure that Amy left MM. And his voicemail has been full for 5 days. So he is either in an isolated cave and his father is comforting him or he has a new woman with a rice burner. (you figure out the clue). I don't know if I should feel sorry for Amy for all her valiant efforts (and I mean that seriously) or for the new woman whom he may extract sympathy from. Maybe it's for the best?
Only Nancy Drew knows.
Spotted. trade up or trade down at the 40th parallel adjacent to the lot.
Spotted. MM with a younger woman.
I guess I am still nosey even though I am in a good relationship.
KK left MM for someone better but it turns out she married an alcoholic like her past. Maybe she should work on forgiveness to MM because he doesn't want to have meaningful correspondence with her. If you live in another state, let the restraining order go. You've gotten your just reward, so let MM move on.
In general, most men want the same thing. Uncomplicated sex. Some can advance to a more deeper level of spiritual, intellectual. MM wanted to rotate all his women and keep them all in some weird paradigm.
In the end, people want comfort, love and understanding. Those with the deepest empathy and ones who can overlook cheating will win out. However, good qualities in a man are exhibited by honesty, sincerity and generosity. Lacking those things creates the problems that this blog is about.
Why bother fixing people who don't want to be fixed??
XOXO
Gossip Girl
I am reluctant to give this blog my undivided attention now that I have a ton of new irons in the fire.
I really only struggled one this day this week over MM. Most of it is just like floating garbage in the Hudson River, it may come back to haunt me/ but the lies and bullshit won't defeat me.
I really don't have the time to get into all the feelings I had this morning, but the Holy Spirit allowed me to conquer most of my doubts.
I want to clarify something for Mr. Richard S. Gondik.
I did not contact KK to interlope as a 3rd party communicator on behalf of MM. I contacted her independently (before I was properly informed of 3rd party issue) to find out what drove her to file a restraining order on MM. I wanted to know if there were lies, emotional abuse, tall tales and broken commitments. I learned part of that through observation on social media (undisclosed). Some women want to leave the past in the past and I fully understand that. She was cordial and explained to me professionally the sensitivity of the roundabout contact. I apologize to her if I jeopardized her piece of mind by even making an inquiry.
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I never intended to get involved in a melodrama where I was the unrecruited actress in a love triangle. I did not want or choose to be the other woman, sometimes the primary sexual object, other times the back burner woman, most times just one of two women who were lied to. I demanded to be treated better. I insisted on answers. There was a lot of behind the scenes conversations with MM and I on the phone through our work phones, etc. He could not really come clean as to why he did everything he did. He literally did not have an answer. The reason why is he lived entirely for the moment. Whatever his need or desire was AT THAT MOMENT is how he conducted himself. Therefore, all my efforts to try and reform him were fruitless. He cannot even conceive what I was aiming for.
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I do feel a sense of displacement still but I know I will get stronger day by day. I feel detached in a good way, that is in the rear view mirror.
Gotta run.
Janessa
Most of us are not shallow enough to think that we are going to get a prize or just reward for doing something sincere. Or that we are going to be comforted when we weep although some of us do have a good circle of friends and church members who can provide that. When I left the Valentine's party Friday night in Superior and had a weak moment with Valentine candy in my hand, only I could get my mind to another place. MM was not there to comfort me.
My sincerity has been pervaded by 2 skeptics who feel forced to team up against me because they are fighting for their survival. I get that. I am more distantly aligned with someone else who suffered, too, who went public in a different way for her own sanity but equally wants to remain private. Understandable.
I have tried straddling dueling loyalties and on a secular scale, received only minimal patting on the back with no long term reward. One of the major conflicts surrounding the situation is that earnest repentance has not taken place. It was more of a forced objective -this is how it's going to be even though it changed twice marginally in the last 30 days. Another woman who dated the person wrote on her FB wall that forgiveness had not taken place in mid to late 2016 and that is probably why she felt compelled to take legal action.
I don't want to fight with words or a sword or personify a crowned heroine in distress. I was involved in this mess but not entirely voluntarily. I did not need to ever know about KK and once I was told, I expressed to MM that I am a journalist and if you do wrong by me, I will probably look into it for answers of legitimacy. I did a little and found certain truths and certain flaws. I am too smart to be left in the dark but honestly, why did I ever need to know this person existed? I was first told she was a teacher than a nurse. I guess I was told way back in November at the height of good times because she cost him $7000 due to a moving out, getting rid of stuff situation.
Once again, I am not the bad person for blogging about it. I am just pointing out that a time when I had a crystal clear opportunity to make full amends with someone on Feb. 2nd, he chose this to be the epitome of our conscious discussion.
Carrot, bone, stick. What is my just reward? That I have to accept I was the other woman. Other woman were in the past equally angry at you. That I suffered post breakup on Jan 9th 7 more weeks to try to make amends because it seemed like the best thing to do. Everyone knows after reading this blog that I was lied to, deceived but even with that, I rose above it. Partly out of my pure elevated conception of carnal love and my respect for it and partly because I wanted something better would be revealed by God. That people could change. There has been some repentance and acknowledgement. I am no longer bitter or defeated but I don't think certain people have the full capacity to look beyond themselves and see how another person was affected. A certain person just can't. He will never cross a bridge or chase someone down in that moment of truth or epiphany to make things right. In his own heart, he is burdened, he cries, maybe 2 out of 10 times when I have talked to him, he is sincere and has no agenda.
I decided to back off from communication because I don't want to be a facilitator, enabler or lack sincerity on my own. I know what time it is. This person will have to face himself down the line and that is what I am trying to do with myself. It is not my job to try to make someone feel good or prevent them from experiencing pain. It is my job to point out truths to help them grow spiritually and maturely. Babying MM has felt good at times but not produced the effective result.
Thanks for listening and I empathize will all the women who had this cross binding moment.
