Life Lessons AMENDED

I was listening to our episode on Russian History.  Those who don't have a plan for survival will fail.  One must know each enemy and who is at threat to you. You have to decide if you are ordained for royalty and leadership vs. a follower, servant.  Servitude can be noble if the leadership is worthy.  Some people are a subversive threat due to their own indecision.  In a nation as free as ours, you can determine to become anything include a genius or a fool.  Other people are driven solely by their desires and never get their head above the sand.  They will perish in a shallow pool of alcohol, drugs or imaginary fears.

Some people have never had a strong, parental voice to guide them in a proper direction.  It is like the parent told them to go to church to confess their sins but never told them about salvation and deliverance from Jesus.  The theological mandate of sin is following one's self will, following evil desires, choosing for yourself beyond the scope of what God wants for you.   One was never told the tools for deliverance so they became subject to their own weaknesses by trusting themselves over a divine voice.  It is so much easier to pour a drink and avoid one's feelings than to open the Bible and face your condition in life.  

Some people become suckers to those needs that are more excessive than their own.  Therefore, they design themselves to be a savior to someone who is weaker in the flesh and they are seeking an earthly reward that somehow aligns themselves with someone who has Satanic desires and gives themselves a false sense of gratification while still serving the Dark World.

The deception of American culture promotes the accumulation of wealth for private enjoyment and individualism for it's own sake.  Communal living and giving for giving's sake, being a part of the organizational mechanism of the community is true satisfaction.

I have witnessed these behaviors in Superior, Wisconsin.

Copy and Paste for your Lawyer; Semi Conclusion

I am reluctant to give this blog my undivided attention now that I have a ton of new irons in the fire.

I really only struggled one this day this week over MM.  Most of it is just like floating garbage in the Hudson River, it may come back to haunt me/ but the lies and bullshit won't defeat me.

I really don't have the time to get into all the feelings I had this morning, but the Holy Spirit allowed me to conquer most of my doubts.

I want to clarify something for Mr. Richard S. Gondik.

I did not contact KK to interlope as a 3rd party communicator on behalf of MM.  I contacted her independently (before I was properly informed of 3rd party issue) to find out what drove her to file a restraining order on MM.  I wanted to know if there were lies,  emotional abuse, tall tales and broken commitments.  I learned part of that through observation on social media (undisclosed).  Some women want to leave the past in the past and I fully understand that.  She was cordial and explained to me professionally the sensitivity of the roundabout contact.  I apologize to her if I jeopardized her piece of mind by even making an inquiry. 

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I never intended to get involved in a melodrama where I was the unrecruited actress in a love triangle.  I did not want or choose to be the other woman, sometimes the primary sexual object, other times the back burner woman, most times just one of two women who were lied to.  I demanded to be treated better.  I insisted on answers.  There was a lot of behind the scenes conversations with MM and I on the phone through our work phones, etc.  He could not really come clean as to why he did everything he did.  He literally did not have an answer.  The reason why is he lived entirely for the moment.  Whatever his need or desire was AT THAT MOMENT is how he conducted himself.  Therefore, all my efforts to try and reform him were fruitless.  He cannot even conceive what I was aiming for.
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I do feel a sense of displacement still but I know I will get stronger day by day.  I feel detached in a good way, that is in the rear view mirror.

Gotta run.

Janessa

A woman unraveled by counterfeit Love

“In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.”

― Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

If you don't know where I hang
You haven't seen me around
just my shadow in the alley
as I trapse through this abandoned town

Why you trying to determine my heart
or my footsteps as they beat
I came with the same mission
but not with past women to defeat

I met him with a handshake
We exchanged & greeted
The rest I can't explain
 but magic revealed
to you (female) I'm an invasion
an unknown vice
I consented to be his lover
but you demanded to be his wife

And now you are crying
on the dark side of the rain
You ask me to take it back
But I cannot absolve your pain

We each have a will 
something to break us down
To look backwards and decide
If it's possible again

When I had no way to find my way back
I prayed and I got a second chance
Please don't blame me to possess
the same thing that you want

My expectations are much lower
than your inflated commands
I am not going to punish him
for wanting one piece
but you are like a night watch guard
forcing him to plead

I am free from your intensity
the answers and the pursuit
Look inside yourself and you will
know what to conclude

I am delivered from your will and your vice
I can love freely without hostages
and your ungodly price.