A Partial Solution

Most of us are not shallow enough to think that we are going to get a prize or just reward for doing something sincere.  Or that we are going to be comforted when we weep although some of us do have a good circle of friends and church members who can provide that.  When I left the Valentine's party Friday night in Superior and had a weak moment with Valentine candy in my hand, only I could get my mind to another place.  MM was not there to comfort me.  

My sincerity has been pervaded by 2 skeptics who feel forced to team up against me because they are fighting for their survival.  I get that.  I am more distantly aligned with someone else who suffered, too, who went public in a different way for her own sanity but equally wants to remain private.  Understandable.

I have tried straddling dueling loyalties and on a secular scale, received only minimal patting on the back with no long term reward.  One of the major conflicts surrounding the situation is that earnest repentance has not taken place.  It was more of a forced objective  -this is how it's going to be even though it changed twice marginally in the last 30 days.  Another woman who dated the person wrote on her FB wall that forgiveness had not taken place in mid to late 2016 and that is probably why she felt compelled to take legal action.

I don't want to fight with words or a sword or personify a crowned heroine in distress.  I was involved in this mess but not entirely voluntarily.  I did not need to ever know about KK and once I was told, I expressed to MM that I am a journalist and if you do wrong by me, I will probably look into it for answers of legitimacy.  I did a little and found certain truths and certain flaws.  I am too smart to be left in the dark but honestly, why did I ever need to know this person existed?  I was first told she was a teacher than a nurse.  I guess I was told way back in November at the height of good times because she cost him $7000 due to a moving out, getting rid of stuff situation.

Once again, I am not the bad person for blogging about it.  I am just pointing out that a time when I had a crystal clear opportunity to make full amends with someone on  Feb. 2nd, he chose this to be the epitome of our conscious discussion.

Carrot, bone, stick.  What is my just reward?  That I have to accept I was the other woman.  Other woman were in the past equally angry at you.  That I suffered post breakup on Jan 9th 7 more weeks to try to make amends because it seemed like the best thing to do.  Everyone knows after reading this blog that I was lied to, deceived but even with that, I rose above it.  Partly out of my pure elevated conception of carnal love and my respect for it and partly because I wanted something better would be revealed by God.  That people could change.  There has been some repentance and acknowledgement.  I am no longer bitter or defeated but I don't think certain people have the full capacity to look beyond themselves and see how another person was affected.  A certain person just can't.  He will never cross a bridge or chase someone down in that moment of truth or epiphany to make things right. In his own heart, he is burdened, he cries, maybe 2 out of 10 times when I have talked to him, he is sincere and has no agenda.  

I decided to back off from communication because I don't want to be a facilitator, enabler or lack sincerity on my own.  I know what time it is.  This person will have to face himself down the line and that is what I am trying to do with myself.  It is not my job to try to make someone feel good or prevent them from experiencing pain.  It is my job to point out truths to help them grow spiritually and maturely.  Babying MM has felt good at times but not produced the effective result.

Thanks for listening and I empathize will all the women who had this cross binding moment.