1996

Yes, I live your near your father but I have not seen him in over a year.

My schedule really does not permit it, to go to the absolute other side of town.

I wish it could.

He was nice to me and forgot the past.

He didn't trade me for poser Bible thumper.

Whatever is in the past, is in the past.

If we had stayed together, I would have never had another child.

I am sure you still think about how I dragged you into court, jacked your car (my car) that you left the title in, etc.

We both did not live up to our ideals.

Gambling at that time was not a vice, it was a distraction.

You were controlling.  You wanted me to dump certain friends.

You never met my most quality friends.

I went to 12 weeks of Catholic instruction in subzero temperatures on foot and on ice.

Not one woman could ever live up to your standards.

I am glad you accepted the mortal condition and met someone who met your general standards.  You recognized the need for companionship.

Even if we loved eachother, we could have been destined for each other but the emotions always ran high and I always had an inkling to escape.  Everything was an Italian job.  You doubted everyone.  In the end, you could not fully trust or love.  Each act of independence was an act of betrayal.

I loved you but love was not enough.

The dark side of town/you- in Duluth and Minneapolis

This poem is about Paul, no other

She was larger than life
She could not love demurely
Her hands grasped you 
like you were the last, best thing on earth
your brown eyes
lay asunder to any suspicions of real love

She withdrew to dust when 
you left, inbetween passages
moving to cities with complete strangers
with no details no trace

She was a piece of your wise kingdom
and an outlaw in your family
Although they were full of manifested flaws
blood relatives with no grace
many of them hated women
that resembled your mother

abandoning
awakening
an undedicated housewife

Who was the backbone of support?
When you looked for the size 22 women
who would say anything you wanted

You're weak now but stable
yet unfulfilled
She is still chasing your dream
down Grand Avenue
with the enthusiasm of your father.

Circa 1996-1997

jdh

6.30.17

Why so many Americans, Black Americans, have to die

Some people wish for a long healthy life.
That's not what I wish for.
I wish to make a fast punch meaningful impact on the world
even if it doesn't penetrate in the gut but only in the long term mind.
My only goal as a child was to be a civil rights leader.
We are in the heightened matrix of a new awakening
There is persecution all around us but people cannot interpret how it re-evolved to the surface.
They are only looking at the symptoms.
Like why a cop shot a man dead in Kentucky for having a blinker out.
Or why a woman died in jail for a minor traffic infraction after being hauled into custody.
Or why a 12 year old named Tamir Rice was gunned down with a toy gun.
Or why guns are so prevalent when words are so much more powerful.
Six months to a year has gone by and I don't remember all the names of people who died unnecessarily.  I have to look back in my archive notes.  Here are some:
Freddie Gray, Jamar Clark, Michael Brown and many more died because American never dealt with the root of racism or police impulsivity.
Look at us now.
Many more dead because of lessons unlearned.