Letter to Larry

My letter to Larry stood suspended in thought, time and reason unknown to the recipient, unknown in reception. Dissipated like the shroud of Turin, unable to make out the details, the impact, the consequence, the compromise and the residual feelings that linger and cross bow me like a cold Norwegian night left in darkness. Pride or prejudice will prevent him from writing me back and this short term friendship will slip into the anals of unrecorded history.

Larry can be bad all by himself..he doesn't need my savior complex

It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it complete, it just naturally played out. That daring temptation called the send box did me in. I want to preface this blog entry by saying "Love is not like sports. The more you push, the faster you ruin it." In my senior year of h.s. going into my Freshman year at LaCrosse, Wisconsin in Cross Country I did a work out regime. 4 5 6 4 5 6 up to 8 9 10 8 9 10 Mon-Saturday. That means I would run 4 miles Monday, 5 miles Tues, 6 Miles Wed and repeat the number pattern Thurs. - Sat. By the time I got to LaX, Wisc. on 8/25/78, I had mono-nucleosis. I didn't have a running regime that would ultimately strengthen me. I had one that broke my body down. I did re join the c.c. season half way and was the number 1 finisher for my team at regions. All I have to say is that I did temper my love ambition with Larry in a non-rhythmic manner. I pushed and pushed and pushed till I annoyed him. And trust me, when he turns ugly, you don't want nobody around. Arrogance comes second hand to him. After all, he spends about 1/2 of his on air time bashing Obama, Michael Moore and others. But there is that certain moment when you know the rubber meets the road and an idealist cannot enlighten a self assured, narrow minded Libertarian. I tried to do just that. I told Larry....don't gloss over the fact that Bush and Cheney did water torture for the very reason the Al Qaeda were non state actors therefore less human in their eyes. Forget habeas corpus. Forget the fact the Cubans don't want a bunch of non Spanish speaking Afghans around their banana shaped island. No matter how he elevates the fact the Swiss wanted Bush's hide if he traveled to Europe ain't gunna pretty it up. And since his is a lawyer, why the fuck are you defending a president who went to such lengths to persecute the Al Qaeda when it was our own nation who didn't have the defense plans in place to prevent 911? Yes, I am going to go there. TORTURE IS NEVER JUSTIFIED and no matter how you play your hand, your card deck is going to come up TWO JOKERS. I am not blaming 911 on the U.S. I am just saying, a group of terrorists who thought we were a self indulgent nation caught up in our own day to day agenda was not ample enough to prevent subtle warnings and signs for 911 to occur. The Al Qaeda trumped us because we were caught unaware in our own post modern love affair with ourselves. Yes, Bush did go to war and picked a nation such as Iraq who were unrelated to the terror events of 911 so to speak. Even though Iraq harbored Muslim extremists, Bush did not have a legitimate implementation plan to carry out transitional democracy. So by my polite warning, you didn't have to shut me out with your abrupt response. It just forces me to conclude ---why am I even paying attention to someone who has a specific agenda to make the dems look bad and re-write history? So I greatly receded today and only chuckled at a few socially related jokes on his on air show today between student teaching and my real job. And that's all this whole thing really was. I got an inside glimpse for 82 days how a talk show host thinks. He lightly regarded some of my input but probably kept in the back wire of his brain. To be a true intellectual you have to dissect the facts, not just modify them to your conclusions. I ain't gunna kiss your ass anymo' L.E. You too busy looking for people to do it pure and dumbfounded like. I am tired of the whole thing. And I guess that makes me an angry white woman. Because I can do better than have to be disappointed by you one more time. (By the way on your new book, race is never a factor in L.A. There are over 300 ethnic groups)....Go East about 2500 miles.

Let the shoe drop where it will

I cannot reprint a quote from KABC webpage so I will make a reference that "skewering myths"is not often true. He is often ignoring larger truths that occurred when he left the heart of Black America.

I'd like to say I had a pleasant masochist, duel tango with Larry of KABC. I corresponded with him over three months on Facebook. It was more of a romantic joust with a few testing love lines in from time to time. I watched myself before it ever got to the threshold of full abysmal love. The kind you become desperate in. If I did not currently hate him, I would probably still love him. He is charming, direct but cold-hearted. We decided on lunch twice at a common KABC watering hole but he indicated twice at the end of the text....you pay with a smiley face. After thinking about this once or twice...in a joke sense or out of context, I kept wondering...are you fucking serious? Maybe he thought I was compensating him for his time. But I didn't really initiate the flirting. Our friendship or correspondence started out with light arguing about his political positions and him criticizing Obama. He was cordial in other ways when he lacked genuine humanness. He let me post my radio link on his fan page twice in which it got 333 hits the first time and about 85 the second time. Twice, I told him I had a crush on him and indicated I couldn't really decide to keep the 81 day conversation going. All I know, is in the end when I finally blocked him (last night)...my feelings got hurt....because in the end, I knew he had sold out to the status quo (in the sense he truly believes he is on the side of logic but not justice) and he probably wasn't 100 percent sincere. He told me I was good looking; I revealed something to him about my current life that had taken me from the poverty level to upper middle class but two of his jokes related to money...mainly my money...and how he had no problem spending it. He said he had been at a casino that sponsored KABC...I believe Valley View Casino....he said I had been with him, who knows? We may have gone through my $100,000 inheritance. Just so lightly to say such a thing....does he have any friggin clue how much I struggled the last 10 years including stories I wouldn't even dare tell him because he would label me a victocrat? Just saying, it was never an unpleasant exchange, but there were unpleasant signs that I was just some white adoring fan who he could take advantage of because of his fame. Yes, I did include my race because he would never say that to a Black woman. And I included the pontificated review of his show above because after thinking about it...I want to inform everyone that he does not break through all pretensions because he has no understanding of the struggling legacy of his own race. He has no clue what its like to struggle in a ghetto or be a Black urban poor in recent years even if he witnessed that as a child, he has divorced himself from the Black suffrage from slavery to emancipation. I am crediting his hard work and success to his own work ethic, but to dismiss yourself from the struggling and poor of this country (not just Black) is not really noble, not everyone can rise about the $50,000 income barrier - it is not possible given time, place and circumstances. By calling out Spike Lee as a racist as he did in 10 Things you Can't Say in America...he is being subjectively rational but non dimensional in his understanding about race. I worked in public housing and the Blacks who were suppressed and disenfranchised the longest do not approve of racial mixing. Just because Larry doesn't agree with them doesn't make Spike Lee wrong. It just means Spike Lee believes in separate racial identity and by racial mixing, it is like being subjugated again by the White slave owner. I can understand that as a white person, why can't he understand that as a Black person. I was tight with my boss in public housing. I went to go see him 20 years after I left my public housing position in Virginia. I proclaimed a genuine love for this man to my best female Black friend who lived in public housing and rescued herself form public dependence. When I told her of a possible relationship with my boss, she said "Do you think that man wants a white woman up in his house?" To the part of the Black race who suffered the most, there is still a divisional consciousness about what can be done and what can't. So the lunch date I never paid for never happened. Ironically, Larry behaved no better than the leeching Black men who often has described pawning off the white woman. Why is he begging off me for lunch money when he owned a $4 million house in the Hollywood hills? I don't remember him being on the food stamp rolls like me in recent years...me out of necessity, him disassociated from anything having to do with human need, public assistance, lets just say need period. For that, I learned my lesson. Never try to tout the self righteous and disassociate member of their own historical past. What could I offer him? Another lesson in identity crisis and offering affection unjustly? Me, for fame, and Larry, just because he could.

do you care/because I don't....

He was a surreal as the fading sun over a backdrop of a building. There for a moment, then transformed to a gentle breeze pirouetted into a brazen Santa Anna that came down like a tunnel from a weary ghost that had no other trail to follow. Was there a knuckle bender that gravitated toward my head that said, "Dont fall in love with a public figure?" How could I define this obscure renegade that entered my life through a dare, held along with cresscendo'ed dialogue that turned into temptuous brush fire, only to be put out like the dim lights of no reply so a peak love interest could not answer my faded echoes? I, a Dark Swan, in his radiant bounty, searching for an inroad to comfort his inner storm.....an inner healer to his morning sherade, a war on words and intellect that could only untangle him to code light destiny and that the church that could bear his name? His preconditoned lips signed off on a curious mantle of archaic belief and status quo injections. Oh, How I'd like to take him back down to the barrio and strip his inner being and make love to him on the 20th yard line of indefinition. Take me, strip your Ivy from your asphalt and play me down in words and see me naked, with my nipples sparkling agst. your forbidden lust. I, white ivory, into your dark orifice of conscience, bending down to your phallic archery and non identity between two worlds, where the little man scoffs you and the white status quo stands back and admires your acquiescence to their perpetual brain-washing.