Having Children

Seeing What to Expect when you are expecting was a little too much for me.  See, I had one ectopic pregnancy that I had to eliminate, I had another stillborn at 26 weeks who I named Serenity Jade and I had a child who lived named Alexis Hoffman who died at 21 months of a failed heart transplant.  When JLo received the adopted Ethiopian baby, I felt I had come full circle when in real life, I myself, had given birth to a son of African descent, Loran Oliver Hoffman.  The gift of motherhood that was removed from me in 1992 with Alexis' death was restored in 1998, six years later with a 8 lb. 1 oz. boy.  The father and I were not together at the time.  I realized by watching the movie "What to Expect When you're Expecting," I did not have a companion by my side when carrying my son 9 months.  It was me and me alone.  I did not have a spouse to complain of about pain or share ideas for the future.  I did have a support group in Minneapolis, a roommate and my mother was still alive until almost the end.  Then she died 8 days before my son was born and I named him after her.  There were many things that came out in the movie which is difficult for a parent who has lost children to watch.  I randomly came across the movie on Netflix when I was searching for something else.  I enjoyed much of the movie, esp. the male bonding scenes of fatherhood with Chris Rock and the like.  It was a worthwhile movie.

My life from 1998-2004.

I exist with my marginal influence and ability to sustain my life and life for my son. I exist long enough to breathe and exhale and not be deterred from the path of accomplishment. I don't exist or define myself by other people's labels. I have struggled for 12 years since the day my son was born, 8 days after my mother died. I never had a guarantee from that point on of income, love or stable circumstances. I worked for National Car Rental in 1998 and the plant closed in 1999. I could have waited it out and got unemployment benefits but I quit when my son was 3 months old and started temping because I moved 30 miles N. of Edina and the commute was through downtown Minneapolis. I miss the Emerald City. In 2000, I lived in a shelter and transitional housing because I left L.A. after temping at the Beverly Hills Medical Plaza and went to move in with an ex-boyf. in Wisconsin. He was old school and selfish and it didn't work out. I moved into a shelter in Minneapolis about 2 miles from where my son's father lived. I never looked him up. I worked at the Minneapolis Library and budget cuts reduced my hours from 30 to 13 a week. I moved back to Calif with no place to live. I was still in a shelter called Women of Nations in Minnesota and they paid for my bus ticket back. My twin sister lived in L.A. and had a newborn son. We moved into Jennesse, a domestic violence shelter than Flower House, transitional housing. The Flower House had a nice staff but dumb rules. They wouldn't allow women to work and we had to pay $150 a month of our welfare check which was $540 total. I transferred to Catholic Charities transitional living and took a job as a medical biller in Glendale. The city of L.A. went on a bus strike and I paid $40 in cab fare to make $72.00 a day. You do the math. It was at the height of the 2000 election crisis with Bush v. Gore and I faxed the Tallahassee Democrat paper and other news sources. The temp job ended in February and I met a nice woman named Delores who gave me help with the Welfare Gain program. I got back pay for transportation for six months. The Nuns at the Catholic charity house (about 10 families) were helpful. I met one of my best friends Laura there in 2000 and now 11 years later, we are still good friends. I landed a temp job with Sys____ Office Supply and worked there 2 years. I found out in 12/2002, they were not providing credit to customers for returned items and I called them on it. I made the President put in writing they would change their policy. It was a 90 year old company and the oldest office supply business in L.A. I couldn't understand why they needed to rip people off to make a year end profit. I was laid off that year and had a traumatic transition. In 2001, I moved to Boyle Heights in my own aptmt and witnessed a dead on murder 10 days after I lived there on 4/10/01. I assisted the LAPD with finding the getaway car but would have been shot myself if I looked out of the aptmt any further. That was on the corner of St. Louis and Fourth. They were gangstas and drug dealers in my bldg. I made weekly reports to the LAPD and put two drug dealers behind bars. I was close friends with the landlord and his wife and we remained friends a long time. I moved to the Valley in 2002 when Wade bought a condo at his parent's beckoning. He invited about 2 friends to live there as well as me. Wade occupied the top floor which was three stories. My son and I had an adjacent room. It was a stable living situation. Later on, Rose and Joe Runningfox moved in. I moved to Mrs. Christmas's in 2004 when Wade decided to sell the condo. I lived with Mrs. Christmas about 7 months and her house foreclosed. She did not tell me, I just saw a sign from the bank on the door. I moved again and lived with friends 2 months and final found occupancy in 10/04 with a family from Sierra Leone who were Muslim. They were from a country one over from Liberia, where Loran's dad was from. I found Loran's family in 2004 and went to visit Loran's Liberian grandma in 2005 and met Loran's aunts and nephews. I am running out of energy. Part Two tomorrow. I have moved 28 times since my son has been born. I never asked my dad for help except twice when my car broke down in ten years. My dad died in Aug., 2010 and my family will be receiving a substantial inheritance. I want to live comfortably but also start my own non profit which would be a theatre company. God Bless you all who read this.