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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

There was a point when....

Climatic change is an awful thing. I am speaking of the climatic change of my own doing by moving to a frigid climate.  I came from a place of eternal sunshine, endless roads, mountains and valleys.  There were also a steady stream of people around me.  I had money.  Living in many places has created a lot of holes in my soul.  I have often tried to fill the gap of nostalgia with returning to places that may fill me up.  After receiving my inheritance in 2011, I did choose to come back to Minnesota in 2012 so that my son could experience a normal education similar to one I grew up in.  He liked it and I made the right decision for a time.   He will be graduating this June and I will return to California shortly after that.  Some people can handle six month winters.  I can't.  I grew up in Central Minnesota in the Twin Cities which is very eclectic and stimulating.  Duluth is the epitome of hardship.  The landscape is ragged, the buildings ancient, the conditions fierce.  I cannot endure Duluth. That is why I chose gambling for a time.  I chose it because it was a short term solution to a long term problem.  I suffer from depression.  I probably did not even think through the entire decision to move here.  I am glad it was a good one for my son and that I created another solid foundation to discover a new aspect/lifestyle in America.  He may stay when I leave and I will have to provide him a supplemental support system.  But I have to leave.  Things happened here that did not happen anywhere else.  Painful things that I am through support able to put behind me.  I have now relaunched my running career and am running a 1/2 marathon in July or so.  I am not picking the top race in the region here, i am picking a lesser one.  The comradery I will feel with my body when it is fully developed once again will give me the strength to make better decisions in the future.  I thank God for all the good things that have happened to me in the last two years and I put aside all the painful ones.  I am also involved recently with some educational websites that will gain me more income in preparation to leave.

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