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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Sometimes, I just don't know

Sometimes I don’t know….

I am ignoring the dialogue within myself while I try to have fun.  Or perhaps I am having fun without justification and it won’t catch up with me until judgment day.    Judgment day, that place in my mind I can only imagine driven by fire and brimstone speeches of my twin sister.  I have muted my conscience where it comes to gambling.  I have turned off the switch.  Do I care?  Or am I just a false robot of self –serve capitalism seeking wealth for higher material ground.

Perhaps I am my own dark shadow against the forces of nature for an indeliable cause.  Perhaps, my cause should be myself since I do a good job saving others but not myself.  I am weak and then I am strong, I am convicted and then I doubt.  I am a fool and then a shameless saint.  My wisdom has capitulated into a reckless endangerment known as m.e.  Code for self destructive.

Besides the cold, grey skies, I have a good life here.  I thrive in the fresh air.  My detached soul remains dying a casino from too much intoxication.


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