Sometimes I don’t know….
I am ignoring the dialogue within myself while I try to have fun. Or perhaps I am having fun without justification and it won’t catch up with me until judgment day. Judgment day, that place in my mind I can only imagine driven by fire and brimstone speeches of my twin sister. I have muted my conscience where it comes to gambling. I have turned off the switch. Do I care? Or am I just a false robot of self –serve capitalism seeking wealth for higher material ground.
Perhaps I am my own dark shadow against the forces of nature for an indeliable cause. Perhaps, my cause should be myself since I do a good job saving others but not myself. I am weak and then I am strong, I am convicted and then I doubt. I am a fool and then a shameless saint. My wisdom has capitulated into a reckless endangerment known as m.e. Code for self destructive.
Besides the cold, grey skies, I have a good life here. I thrive in the fresh air. My detached soul remains dying a casino from too much intoxication.