Friday, May 4, 2012
No Other Choice
When a woman comes to a position in life where they do not receive the right answers to a noble question and James, indeed, considers himself noble due to his recent actions then I have two choices: force the person to see their wrongdoing by description or create a dialogue where they can see through reason and religious instruction, their errors. After all, it was James who propelled our new set of events by religious means. I have to say the Islam religion is rather unliberating - they have a distorted view of Christians and who we even worship....he insists we worship 3 Gods instead of 3 in 1. He won't man up to his motives when he met me, not even gently confess...he rather just says....I don't want to see you hurt. His suggestions become worse and worse with each night I see him....his solutions are lame and I have to admit, on many matters he is a self-centered self-absorbed actor who is looking to a monetary business to get ahead which is okay, and a certain lifestyle that had no disregard for me, his girlfriend's opinion. Yes, I can respect him to one level but now the amount of aura and respect I have for him have edged away and he seems narrow minded and peevish. So I will post his picture on my blog until he fully repents. The advantage the Christian has even in situations where they can only disguise their guilt so long is: Christians come to a point where they truly repent. They don't allow for a situation to fester 8 months in denial and then use a higher order claim to exalt their actions while condemning others. How many women has he done this to? How many? His religious pulse is do whatever you want in actions and then back it up religion when you want to modify your view. The same week we made the big change he was penchant on showing me two slanted videos about Christianity. So now I will make more demands, demanding he go to my church. If he wants a Holy walk, he will get one. We are still painfully together but his midas touch has worn off. Repent, Jayhun, Repent. You can't get to the cleansing process without full repentence. I note that the callous post peak nature I write this blog with is I am really starting not to care at all. The consolation prize: I still have him. A shell of a man with no passion and noblese oblige. Obligated - yes. True passion -no. Capable of love, hell to the No. So what is a Tajik Muslim doing in a Christian America working in a carnal, sinful industry of self - glory...acting. Is he really a sincere, religious man who will honor me to the death? Will he lay his life down for me as a Muslim as the Christians do for their brothers and sisters? He has a filial piety to his roommates and I don't want to get into his worse behaviors, but he disguises all his female relationships from his roommates. He thinks he must be accountable to his roommates but in that instance, his God is so small it's a joke. God doesn't need a P.I. man to spy on him. He can see all his actions. So maybe someday on judgment day, I can meet his mother and introduce myself as the long suffering girlfriend. It was good in the beginning and now it is not. I don't want to hang on anymore.