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Saturday, January 1, 2011

The answer is no: the door is closed.

Heather, a sweet child who liked stuffed animals and Disney movies, turned into a vociferous snob btwn h.s. graduation & pre-emptive marriage. Somewhere along the way, I became her venting machine for the word hate becuz i slipped from the shower door to my rented bedroom while I lived with their family. Heather is a niece of now 26 yrs. She is one of the people on my to-do list of forgiving or the chuck pile. Its a struggle to really attempt such projects when she has become hostile territory. Someone who is supposed to be defending our country, openly crucifies one of her relatives who is 2x her age. What can I say? A few years ago, I asked a perfectly honest question. What is it about me you don't like? Never ask that question to anyone. Assume they like you and smile at them on holidays & funerals. She told me she didn't like me because I embarrassed her when she 15 because I walked naked from the shower to the bedroom. And that I didn't wear a slip at my mother's funeral. I was breastfeeding at the time of the shower incident and I may have run speedily to my rented room with a towel or robe on. I don't recall being buck naked. At my mom's funeral a few months earlier I was 8 and 3/4 months pregnant. I had a black shirt and skirt which barely fit but was nylon and stretchable. I don't recall looking or finding a slip. I did go up to the altar to sing, "You are not alone" by Michael Jackson. I guess it was during the trip to the altar she noticed the contour of my legs through the slipless skirt. I was in such shock when she left me a retaliatory voice mail about our rift, I was stupified for hours. Then, I got angry....I left her a text....Good riddance. This was ten years after the fact. My mom died in July of 1998. I confronted her in 2008. Whatever resentment she had towards me could have dissipated by then. But it didn't. She called crying on my voice mail like I had stole the Delphic Oracle from her or forced her to lose her virginity. All I did is forget to wear a slip. I would give consolation to her that she is young & impressionable but after serving in Iraq, she can't possibly be that naieve. So now, I just let her go on her own cynical way, hoping for the day I might tell her her new husband was sexting people on MySpace before his sister cleaned it up. I hope her naievity has faded and people who have fashion fauxpaux's are tiny ripples in her self proclaimed universe & over drinking husbands are more significant. Hopefully, someday she hurt me beyond repair, too. That is why I won't give up my father's war medals for her. Not over my dead body. I will be buried with the medals before she ever sets eyes on them. Too bad, Heather. Holding a grudge will never redeem you. Never again in my life will I give you a second chance unless God forms a cleavage in my heart to allow me to do so.

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