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Friday, October 6, 2017

Putting the finger back in the socket

Why I can't buy Ernest Sewell's book.... #GreatestHits .....

When being charitable backfires....over and over again....


I have to put this out there.  For me, this is my way of making resolution.  In cyberspace, things can be documented.  Most of my friendship with Ernest Sewell, I treated him very well.  


I tried to help him out when he was living in the St. Moritz on Sunset Boulevard.  I orchestrated a move so he had a free place to stay for 60 days when my twin sister got married in 1990.  He was able to stay on Normandie Avenue for free.  I flew him up to help me with a theater production in 1993 and we went to Glam Slam.  My mother mailed him Prince articles.


Around 1997 or 1998, he had Marguerite and I on his open cyberspace hit list for "dissing" him.  Because I helped Marguerite deliver a court date to him (and possibly a judgment) at the Mall of America, I became the frenemy.  It wasn't the fact that he rang her phone bill up $1100 and moved out while she was at a wedding in Kentucky, it was our fault for dissing him.


Our friendship dissolved for around 5-7 years.  I can't really remember now.  I talked to him briefly in around 2000 or 2001 and then he dissed me again by sending my boss a hateful letter at an office supply company I worked for.  I don't even think I did anything to solicit that, it was him doing what he did for a long time-  non graceful debt collecting - trying to punish old friends for what his parents never gave him.  


I was a good, generous friend.  He turned his back on me again after I bought him and his roommate Janet Jackson tickets in 2011.  Later, when we had another gentle falling out--the friendship unequivocally faded from numerous disagreements and him treating me badly during a rough time....He tried to mock me on social media again saying how much his roommate hated me and laughed when I left the airport in Albany.  I never wanted to take Brian to Janet Jackson but because of Ernest's desire to include  him in his March birthday plans (they share the same birthday week) - he desperately tried to break Brian out of his I dream of Jeannie alcoholic Bubble to go to the big Apple, he somehow convinced Brian to do so.  I could have easily afforded a rental car as I had $40K plus in the bank in 2011. 


I put up with his excessive sarcasm and put downs because there was a good side to him - funny, entertaining and obsessed with certain celebrities which sort of translated into Hollywood dreams.  We held that in common as we actually met in Hollywood and he was a part of my acting/writing/directing community at the time.


Eventually, everyone has to pay a price with Ernest just for trying to be his friend.  Telling the truth, trying to be honest in a relationship is ultimately a big act of betrayal to Ernest.  I remember when I left Albany in March, 2011 toward the end of the month, I emailed Brian about a week later saying he should not enable Ernest to not work by coddling him.  He should give a time-frame to find work like 60-90 days.  No, I wasn't trying to bad mouth Ernest, I was trying to help his roommate brainstorm so Ernest could eventually find economic independence and get back in the swing of life.  He hacked Brian's email account through some Apple device out of paranoia and confronted me on why I was talking to Brian about his unemployment status.  I told him the truth gently and he sort of seemed to understand but must of had some predestined guilt about it.  In the end, working never happened.  In the last 12 years, he temped at Brian's job once for about 6 weeks.  I attribute this to an emotional hardship.  Ernest has never in his life gotten over his parent's divorce and possible molestation by his father or another relative.  Brian footed the bill for over 15, probably 20 years now and Ernest became a federal claim on his tax deduction each year.


Loyalty is a two way street and I no longer feel loyal.  He dissed Billy, Dawn, Chris, Brandy and others and I seemed to inherit some of his broken friendships.  I don't have time to get into it all but I was the heroine of second chances.  I gave him many 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances even though in the back of my mind, I never fully trusted him after his first stunt in Minneapolis, living with Marguerite.


Why is it important now?  Part of me would like to buy his book and find resolution.  Perhaps there is a confession in there as to why he felt he continually had to burn bridges, cut people off, do them in.  If I bought his book, he would make it public on social media that I bought it, ostracize me, try and make me feel bad and mock me.


It is not worth the risk.


I also don't want to read the litany of sexually immoral chapters about his homosexual quests.  He was a victim of sexual molestation and even if that is not the only reason he became gay, it is central to his betrayal of true Christian values.  He has spent endless hours on social media promoting the idea that the Bible does not reject homosexuality when it it clearly and emphatically does.


The other lie is that even though he loved his mother from the bottom of his heart, she pushed him away at 18 and never looked after him.  She never provided a life insurance for him or his brother.  She was self centered and put her male relationships first.  She forced him to become an adult before he was ready and gave him no chance to regroup.  His dad at least let him live there awhile when he got back from Cali in 1990.


I feel he has tried in the last 5 years to improve his skills and talents.  He is a good cook, probably a good writer, and used to be a good radio host.  I don't think he has any idea of what it means to be a friend - especially to Brian.  A true person would at least try to find a job and if they were mentally unable to, would apply for state sponsored disability.  I don't consider a cooking show on YouTube an honest career move. 


There are parts of me that are resentful but my friendship and dissolution of Ernest will never be resolved because of his defensiveness, cruelty and self righteous hatred.  He is someone to be put aside and buried.  I can defer to my higher power in the forgiveness realm.  I was reminded of him this month because he released his auto-biographical book.  I hope it contains truthful revelations and not a score keeping anthology on who dissed him.


Equally, the jury is not out on how harsh this blog may seem but it is where I am at.


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