The Reality of the Matter

God blessed me this week financially when I really needed it, due to my car repair.  I have $400 liquid cash and I am not fixing my car til July 18.  It is still operable, so I hope it lasts.  I have a windfall of $1000 next week to catch up on other bills.

I have been toying with the idea of the inadequacies of my former boyfriend who I officially dumped on the 4th of July, partly by text, partly by letter (2).  There comes a point when the rubber meets the road and the rubber ascends into my consciousness every night.  I could never be with Mike from Colorado.  He is part never fully grown up.  He owns 17 vehicles and is acquiring more as I speak.  I saw impulsivity in his behavior I did not see on the last trip.  He bought his daughter some kind of 4 wheeler and gave her a truck at age 16.  That's cool.  It's just that working so hard, his life revolves around maintaining vehicles for his business.  Anyhoo, we are still friends and that is like sitting in lukewarm water.  I wish I had the strength to cut him out of my life completely.  I really don't know if that will be possible completely because we are still attached to each other.  I don't want to know if or who he is dating. I love him in a maternal sense, knowing what is best for him but emotionally - he is sensitive but he can't express it.  He can't handle any emotional conflict.  He is relentless of his routine, eating potato chips at night and watching the Three Fucking Stooges.  I think I was one of the stooges in the living room who succumbed to this.

I have a date with a poet in a day or two and another guy with super long hair.  LOL.  Going from Red country to post modern hippie.  It's so refreshing to know that there are other men out there and I don't have to suffer dating a redneck anymore.