Where I am at now

I am going on a long West Coast tour soon and will be back in early January.  I want to mention something that may be disarming to some folks, but in reality is just truth.  I am guilty of not thinking through things this summer and going along with the flow of what was happening physically between Mike and I.  Every Saturday night I spent there, I tried to encourage him to go to church and join some sort of fellowship because I think he isolated, ate and drank all weekend and could not come out of his rabbit hole alone.  I know his brother is saved and there is no reason why he cannot seek the blessings of God and peace of mind like other people.  Before we parted ways around October 15th, I was standoffish and borderline mean to him the month of September.  It became less and less convenient for me to go there after my 11 p.m. shifts.  I remember going a few times after I started my next job at a treatment center on 10/6.  I felt like he was in his own world and detached.  Anything I had to offer would be forgotten the next morning, his imprint of gratitude was momentary.  I did not became angry about it until he began incessantly talking about what A wanted to do for him.  He was following her instructions to date.  I felt relieved but I told him to spare the details.  I now realize how every move he makes, everything he does is like some Stepford Wife reaction to how she dictates him.  The only thing she can't control is what women he picks off the dating sites.  On one hand, she thinks each woman he chooses is a woofer but on the other hand, she does daily checks to see what is going on.  I am relieved still and blessed that I stepped out of the arena fully.  I am no longer obligated to make an alcoholic happy, temporarily or otherwise.  It became an ungodly practice to even scratch his back or reassure him that it would be alright.  Why?  Because of his alcoholism, he was ungrateful and also oblivious.  A was right.  His self induced demntia made him incoherent at least fifty percent of the time.  I am relieved not to have to comfort or send an unrepentant sinner in the right direction.  He is always going to grab for what is convenient, the next woman ...the woman he will tell all his ailments to and if she doesn't deliver or even if she does, he cannot be healed.  So thank you God for releasing me from the destruction of a negative connection that caused me difficulty over 3 years.  I release the obligation of trying to help him.