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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Who I am

The water is dripping slowly through the pipes and then rapidly.  It has a bubbly sound and it is creeping into the pipes below with a rapid sensation.  My fingers move as the water travels through my ears to another time and geographic destination.  The drip of the nearby faucet accentuates it.  A piece of my life was just ripped from me.  The blog I just wrote got erased.  I am working in a group home where people are at war with eachother in mood swings and unseen battlefields that will play out in repeated vengeance.  I have been 3 different places today.  Training, another house and here.  A girl with pinkish red hair provided me a short story of her long life.  People yelled in the house for no reason.  The sun would not ripen.  God prefered to expose the dark, wet, dense forest.   I heard a cackle of birds upon the soggy ground.  One man kept smoking his e cig with all the windows open.  Different flavors filtered in and out of each window until it just got cold.  People were excited about other things that I could not be thrilled by.  I wanted to leave because I could not concentrate.  Time became a capsule like the drops of water that flowed into streams that ran through the black painted pipes.  Where did the water go?  I felt like a stranger but also felt at home.  In my own home, I am a stranger.  I laughed with two people this morning over teaching kids.  One did not like to and she was only 25.  I am 54 and I can identify with middle schoolers.  They are enthusiastic.  Their world is not dark and they just keep moving.  I want to flow through the pipes and be free while not being confined.  I want to learn how to detach and do more than earn money.  I want to be self fulfilled.  Right now, I am a vessel.  I have opportunity but not free will.  I am not stifled but I am not an open channel.  Open me God to new experiences.

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