Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Who I am
The water is dripping slowly through the pipes and then rapidly. It has a bubbly sound and it is creeping into the pipes below with a rapid sensation. My fingers move as the water travels through my ears to another time and geographic destination. The drip of the nearby faucet accentuates it. A piece of my life was just ripped from me. The blog I just wrote got erased. I am working in a group home where people are at war with eachother in mood swings and unseen battlefields that will play out in repeated vengeance. I have been 3 different places today. Training, another house and here. A girl with pinkish red hair provided me a short story of her long life. People yelled in the house for no reason. The sun would not ripen. God prefered to expose the dark, wet, dense forest. I heard a cackle of birds upon the soggy ground. One man kept smoking his e cig with all the windows open. Different flavors filtered in and out of each window until it just got cold. People were excited about other things that I could not be thrilled by. I wanted to leave because I could not concentrate. Time became a capsule like the drops of water that flowed into streams that ran through the black painted pipes. Where did the water go? I felt like a stranger but also felt at home. In my own home, I am a stranger. I laughed with two people this morning over teaching kids. One did not like to and she was only 25. I am 54 and I can identify with middle schoolers. They are enthusiastic. Their world is not dark and they just keep moving. I want to flow through the pipes and be free while not being confined. I want to learn how to detach and do more than earn money. I want to be self fulfilled. Right now, I am a vessel. I have opportunity but not free will. I am not stifled but I am not an open channel. Open me God to new experiences.