Internet Stalkers vs. Real life Haters, the Why Questions, things that will never be answered: Robin Williams death.

Robin Williams death has rubbed me the wrong way.  Can't a smiling, spontaneous face just really be that?  Does there have to be a dark shadow even behind the enlightened, transcendent people?  People who are so gifted like Robin Williams and Jim Carrey that they somehow figured out the world by age 10 but couldn't get past that in real life?  Is Fame a death pill like poverty?  Is Fame a barbituate that cleans out your cells and turns you into Mr. Hyde? Why would someone who goes on bike rides in Marin County and own a multi million dollar mansion in Wine Country ice themselves?  Not to mention the eternal legacy of leaving 3 kids and 3 wives behind, two who are exes.  Can I get angry, Robin?  Or do I give you a pass and just pity you.  You didn't have to survive your daughter being cut from her neck to he belly button in an autopsy because the doctor's suggested they remove her heart but somehow didn't harvest the new one right?  This isn't my issue, but shit....Couldn't you have somehow come to peace with yourself.  Your last act was one of deep despair.  Who abandoned you?  Your mother or father in childhood?  What was that feeling you could not rectify?  Let me know.

Bad intentions.  I do something good for someone and they get pissed about it.  I give them a token money, it wasn't blood money or loyalty money or mob money.   It was just a token gesture.  We sort of resolved it but why does someone who has known me 25 years doubt my intentions?  I go Good Will Hunting in Potter's field.  I am looking for Jesus and find Judas.  A two face Judas with blood on his hands.  My blood.  My fate.  Loving and caring about the wrong people.  toxic.  name calling, game changing.  forgiving then forgetting.