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Friday, August 22, 2014

Why certain things that should matter don't.....battlegrounds

We are older now, we are not young
We know the difference between right and wrong
Our children, a new generation has ripened to a new age
We have lived long enough to try, cry and pray
C'mon people now
Stop condemning
Don't sell your friends out
Don't keep telling
that what you are doing is right by you
while they stand with their armor, tinting their view
We are older now, we are not young
our heroes and villians have already sung
their battle cries deepens with the weapons of Abel
intended to harm or maybe to settle
C'mon people now
I know your aim
but are you advancing while sabotaging the holy terrain
I know where life took you
its seems not very far 
goback to the pew where you found God once.
We are older now
had a stab at life's game
We learned to love our brother
in spite of their shame
put your swords down
show me how to love
cuz this fighting ain't winning much now.
My sword is my sepulchre repeating my vows

Making observations is different than measuring a person's loyalty.  What I mean by that  is when you observe someone's actions which are sporadic and impulsive and don't make sense then step back and try to put a valuation on them, it may still not add up.  I know who has my back.  I know who my true friends are.  True friends would not leave people hanging or walk away without a proper explanation.  True friends would not attempt to damage you then turn around and call you names.  True friends explain their actions especially when they do something large enough to crucify you.  Even false friends identify their purpose. True friends reveal their motives.  The night Ernest called me a stalker he called and text me 4 times.  I didn't realize that what I thought I wanted--which were my episodes back--became less important than someone who would not answer my questions directly or would choose to lie.  Erasing my episodes was an act of vengeance.   It wasn't about upchanging a network.  Perhaps he did have hostility toward me but beside doing a few 10 min broadcasts over the way he handled things, there wasn't much to be mad about.  He called me names a few weeks ago for giving him some money.  It was not a token of pity or charity. Its not because I wanted anything or was begging for mercy, I did it as a token of peace or gesture to reach a short term truce.  I can say raw-ly that doing radio broadcasts for 3.5 years where a number of my friends paraded through the network as guests..some who were prominent like Ken Wanovich....and some strangers like Flowetic SoulChild, you think he would not want to Nazi purge all my stuff.  Don't cut off your hand to spite your foot.  He talks considerably about government oppression and people acting illegitimately in uniform but has he really evaluated the sense of loyalty, commitment and training of what it would mean to bear a uniform?  People aren't as perverse as he assumes they must be.  Not all cops are liars.  Not all friends are liars.  Some people are perverse or angry enough to destroy.  I may have raised the stakes financially in reaction to what he did but it was a financial investment.  Beyond that, I did not try to alienate anyone.  I asked him an honest question.  He claims to respect women but he name calls and puts ugly attachments to people who never set out to harm him.  He earned back my trust at one point after he burned 2 other people.  Even when he is in good spirits, he teases women on JayRil and other networks to the point of being over-bearingly sexual and distasteful.   If he treats his former friends like that, how will he treat his potential enemies?  Marguerite became his enemy because she didn't nuture him.  Yet, he messed with her stuff and he sabotaged her.  I no longer want an explanation.  I just don't want to be plagued with bad memories by someone who truly abused me and was brutal to me.   His episodes of bullying on Ernest Rad** N*tw*rk in which he described how people mistreated him in Middle and High School are equal to how he treats others.  He bullies others.  He oppresses.  He violates his sense of power and respect for other people's work.  He is hostile and vengeful.  Why am I a target?  Because I was human and made a mistake?  Because I let him down the way his mother did.  But I was not harsh, mind you.  I was just not the gravy train.  I hope it was more than just being late for a few BTR payments.  I will forgive but the scars remain.  I want to move on from this ugly period and abuse.  He has become the very thing he loathes- an oppressive tool of cruelty.

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