Deadly force

A deadly force resides in me
the one that sinks my feet and soul into clay dimensions
of immobilization
and chains me to the past
of pain accumulated by dead ones
a deadly force of bondage
that I must be free of
Is the future brighter if I can permanently forget all of those who have chained me?
and pummeled their own anxieties onto the deadliest force of my soul
their twisted action condemns me
their lack of inaction swallows me onto
the verge of erasing their conscience
from their hollow doom
and bloody expectations

they, who live the good life
and see mine from afar
like an inverted magnifying glass
trying to piece together their remains of memory
that shadow box me on a dim lit stage
and pierce my soul with incomplete blessing
they utter from a source apart from God

They are not my relatives
they are the concrete expectation of doom
they could not divert from
because the sold their conscience to a bank, a wall, a hidden corporation
a venture capitalist
ignoring my wisdom
and burning the solid pieces of my soul
like rags from a crucifixtion

I lay dying, like a vengeful howl
a degenerate Camus
who never found his footing
on a brick street where forgotten Indians
and wayward people still find a way
down alleys
to a funeral
of a pire they can't engage in
and see me wasted on the vault
of concrete granite and slabs of dust
til I lay burned and etched from their soul
my engraving erased
n a m f f o h
s i x e l A is d a e d
partitioning the robe of sanctity to the choice of blood
until i have no more regrets or confessions
and my body is ash-white neutral
on the premise of holy communion
and erasing the exposure to the Swedish race
A Finn shall rise and disappear
and have the power to not be
found.

jdh 9/12/12