Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I love one man but it won't work
When we were physical, there was no talk or religious disputes. There was a beautiful symmetry of words and energy mixed with love. The overflowing kind of love you cannot hold back, the Hurricane Katrina sort of love. Now I am like a paddle in a dam when I see him. We came to a decision point in our relationship that changed everything except I had no choice initially and then I had to modify all my feelings, reactions and perspective to fit his new wants. Sometimes it plainly is too hard. The used to be intercepts the what is. He has plaigerized destiny into an inadequate, boxed in space of a halted time capsule that has no breathing room. I can no longer love him freely. Yet we still see each other. I do not know if it is punishment, prolonged agony or a handshake style love. Whatever it is, it kinda sucks. And I am left begging him for more. I love you, James, more than words, voice, speech, language, arms, eyes, feet and presence. I ache for your presence. I have people in my life who are more dedicated to me than you. But you leave an emptiness I cannot fill. Don't rationalize love. Take it by storm and stop your withdrawals on my bank account called love.