Where is home?

 I feel like I am the only one alive.  I am looking for the bright colors in a pale, gray prism of people passing through life completing mundane tasks.  What inspires people?  I just hid all my money away, money not to be touched ever again.  For a long time, money is what mattered most because that was my central focus.  Now that I step away from it, I see the beauty unfolding, the intensity of my relationships, the true purpose of my being.  Money caused me death and destruction and an active gambling lifestyle complicating my goals and ideals.  Money is what drove me and when I won, I needed more,...I needed the action in engaging in winning.  I guess part of me couldn't accept that earning $62000 in year on a low salary was not good enough.  But what is good enough?  When we die, we die - and our eyes unfold to the eternal passage of our true destination.  Will we spend it in Nirvana Heaven with the altruistic, hippie version of Jesus?  Or will we step into Dante's Inferno, into the bowels of unrequited pleasure that drove us off the edge?  The carnal admission of will, the brandished habit forming chastisement that capitulated us into a burning state of carnality....in a legendary path of darkness.....to be continued.